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ICG Resources |
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| These marriage tidbits - short snack-like messages - have been featured in the Island Christian Guide eNews over the past couple of years. |
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| Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:3, NIV) I (Cheryl) can truthfully tell you that my husband, Paul, is so ready to enter the kingdom of heaven! In fact, some days, I could swear he is already there! I have a suspicion that he might say the same about me. In the four years since we’ve been married, we have both changed for the better (though I sometimes need to inform Paul that there’s a world of difference between child-ish and child-like). The reality is that we were both rather childish when we got married. We each wanted things our own way; we wanted each other to change to be the way we thought we should be. But we both sought God’s will, and God’s will changed our desires. We individually began to desire to be more like God, to be less concerned with changing each other and more concerned with changing ourselves. As we individually focused on becoming the person God wanted us to be, we discovered that God was changing each of us to be more suited for each other, and for him. Now there’s a lot more laughter and happiness in our home, and a lot less grumpiness and anger. The child-like qualities of trusting, finding life to be delightful, and looking for new opportunities are more prevalent in each other and in our relationship than they were before. Why? Because we are becoming one – with each other and with God. We are changing, becoming God’s children, getting ready to enter the kingdom of heaven! |
| Do you sometimes wonder what the Lord is thinking when he calls you to do things? I certainly do! “Are you crazy ?!? Okay, I know you’re God and all, but really, what are you thinking ? I’m not the one to do that!” And then comes that day, sometime down the road, maybe even years later, when you realize that maybe God did know what he was doing. Kind of like a parent-child relationship, yes? I’m sure you remember the old saying that it’s amazing how smart parents are when their children hit about 25. But it really isn’t the parents who got smarter (we parents know), it’s the kids. |
| And all that was said to say that I finally figured out why God would ask us to do marriage/relationship ministry when our business is Christian advertising. Now you may be thinking, “Duh, that wasn’t hard to figure out! Marriage – God sees us as his bride. We were created for relationship. (In fact, didn’t I read something along those lines in an earlier eNews?)” But it wasn’t so much the marriage (if you’ll allow me a small pun) of Connecting the Christian Community and “Married to the Lamb,” that had me wondering, it was why us ? We don’t have great track records; we have disagreements that cause Paul to pout while I walk around the house in saintly serenity; we make mistakes often – and I could go on, but you get the picture. God said, “Your ministry isn’t about perfection. It’s about undoing a past that has gone astray and stepping into a glorious future. The Christian community needs a married couple who is working through all their problems at home. It needs a couple who is willing to step up and say, ‘I don’t care what your differences and your baggage are, you can Connect with the body of believers and make a major impact on the world for God.’” God, in his wisdom, chose to use these two-becoming-one weak vessels for his glory. We look forward to sharing more about this in the October 2007 issue of the Guide, on our website, and in person with anyone who will listen! |
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| Last eNews, you learned that Robert became annoying to his big brother and sister (Abe and Cari). The message was about how your attitude often determines who annoys you. This time, let’s consider the flip side of it. If you remember, Robert was a sweet and adorable toddler. Well, this sweet and adorable toddler had a bit of a problem with saying the letter “L.” Somehow, brother and sister discovered that if he tried to say, “I love my life,” it would come out as “I wuv my wife.” This they found hilarious, and sometimes three or four times in the same hour they’d go, “Robert, Robert, say, ‘I love my life.’” When he would say it, they would laugh hysterically, sometimes even rolling around on the floor. He, of course, reached the point where he would cry because they were making fun of him. I warned them that antagonizing their brother like that (and in a host of other similar ways) would come back to haunt them, and sure enough, it did when he became annoying. (And he’s really good at it!) |
| The point here is, what have you done to make your loved ones annoying to you? Do you criticize? Do you nag? Do you tell your friends about all the awful things they do? Do you not “see” them unless something is wrong? Do you antagonize them to the point where they are so frustrated that they cry? We train our spouses and our children how to treat us, and by extension how to treat other people, by the way we treat them. If your spouse is annoying to you, prayerfully look back at your past. When you see how you helped them learn to be annoying, repent before God and your spouse, and then work on going another way. Look at how you can change your behavior to model for them the way to not be annoying. |
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| When Robert was born, his big brother and sister were 7 and 5. They watched him grow from a sweet, adorable, chubby-cheeked baby & toddler into a bratty, annoying boy. When he was 16, his sister asked him, “When did you get annoying?” He looked at her with all the wisdom of youth and said, “I got annoying when you got annoyed.” She thought a moment and grinned, “Wow, that’s good!” |
| That’s especially true in the first year of marriage, isn’t it? The things that we once overlooked, or even found adorable, are soon annoying. Did the other person change, or did we just get annoyed? I’m sure it’s a lot of both, they changed and we got annoyed, but the reverse is probably true too: we changed, and they got annoyed. The secret to any great relationship, whether it’s marriage or siblings, is that we have to train ourselves to not get annoyed. The first question to ask yourself is, “Is it really that important?” If it isn’t, let it go. What’s important? – Does it violate God’s laws, or safety and hygiene concerns, or reasonable relationship boundaries? If yes to any of these, then you should deal with it in loving concern. If no to all the above, just let it go! And when you see things that you are tempted to get annoyed over, stop and look for something good to rave over. When you can learn to do this, your spouse (or little brother) won’t get annoying because you won’t get annoyed! |
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| Everyone has a God-given Dream – a calling on your life that is fed by your passion and needs to be fulfilled. In his book The Dream Giver , Bruce Wilkinson says, “The way of the Dreamer is difficult – but anything less is hardly living at all!” If you aren’t pursuing your dream, you aren’t serving God to the best of your ability. If you aren’t serving God to the best of your ability, you cannot be the spouse God wants you to be. Take some time to discover your dream. Discuss with your spouse (or close friend if you aren’t married) how you can fulfill your dream, and get started! |
| P.S. If you aren’t married yet, now is a great time to work on your dream. And maybe that’s where you’ll find your future spouse! |
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| Have you ever noticed how hard it is sometimes to forget something, even after we've forgiven it? I'll share a little secret with you. The reason you can't seem to forget is that someone keeps bringing it to your remembrance. That someone is the devil who wants you to remember. He reminds you because he knows that it will draw your focus off God. If you want him to stop reminding you about negative things, start using them to praise God and pray for the one whose sin the devil's pointing out. (That "one" may even be you!) When you catch yourself thinking, "I can't believe Paul did that! How could he be so insensitive?" Stop and out loud, because devils can't read minds, say something like this: "Wow, thank you for reminding me to pray for Paul, you dumb devil! … Lord, bless Paul abundantly. Right now, send him a reminder of your love. And help me to find some special way to show him my love today." When you learn to change your reaction to the devil's reminders, he'll stop sending them, and you'll discover that you can't remember what you've forgotten! |
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| While I was journaling the other day, I realized that marriage is like dental hygiene! Sounds strange, of course, but hear me out. Before you get married, you’re determined that yours is going to be the marriage ! The one that makes others go, “Wow, I wish I had a marriage like that.” But somehow, things don’t go right, and one day you find yourself looking at someone else’s marriage going, “Wow, I wish I had a marriage like that.” And the reason you’re envying someone else’s marriage is that you haven’t learned to floss! Remember the last time you went to the dentist and the hygienist cleaned your teeth and told you that you needed to floss at least twice daily to get rid of the plaque? You either thought “Whatevers!” while you nodded and pretended to listen, or you tried to see how many reasons-why-I-can’t-floss you could come up with while she was talking. You knew that she was right, but you also knew that you weren’t going to do anything about it. Why? Because on a scale of one to ten, good dental hygiene rated about a two – brush twice a day. You want the brilliant glowing smile, but you don’t really want to work for it. |
| But, of course, you’re not going to get that gorgeous smile without work. And you’re not going to get that envious marriage without work. You have to take the time to brush and floss your marriage at least twice a day! How do you brush and floss your marriage? I can “floss” my marriage by making sure Paul gets sushi at least once a week! Sashimi is like the whitening treatment! What can you do for yours? Ask your spouse, he’ll know the little things that you can do that will make him feel loved! (But you may have to explain what you read in this marriage tidbit!) (P.S. Let this also be a reminder to make an appointment with one of the dentists in the Island Christian Guide to get your teeth properly cared for!) |
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It's much more than Money
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Tip of the Week – Voting is a civic duty, not just a right, but make sure you take the time to be informed before you hit the voting booth.
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